This is extremely personal, but I need to get this out.
I wish my husband would take the initiative and talk to me... On March 3, I left Italy to go back to the US to get one of my cats. The next day, Mike left to go to training (2 hours away from where we live). He go back from training this past Friday and I'll be in the US until next Saturday. Anyway, while he was in training, he would get home pretty early and now he's just at home. He doesn't IM me even though we are both signed in to google chat and both shown as available. Most days, I IM him. Yesterday, he IM'd me pretty late and just said "I have a headache". It's making me upset. I talked to him yesterday and asked him why he wasn't really talking to me and he said that he didn't really have anything to say. I try to engage him in conversation but it feels like pulling teeth. The day before I left, he was pretty much ignoring me all day. I got pissed off because it didn't even feel like he cared that we would be apart. Only then did he make any effort to spend time with me.
I feel so lonely and depressed with my marriage. We pretty much have no sex life, never had much of one unless I was the one who initiated it. The only time he ever initiated was right after we had a talk about it. It's hard to have children when your husband doesn't ever show interest in you sexually. What do you even say to people who ask when you are having children? I feel like saying "well, in order to do that, my husband would actually have to want to have sex with me". I don't say that, I just say, "we're not not trying".
Part of me just wants to leave and stay in the US. I kind of feel like I am wasting my time with him. I want someone who will be attracted to me sexually and show interest in me. If he's not going to give me that, what's the point in being there with him, especially when I could be working on my career and finding someone who can give me what I want and need.
I honestly don't know how to fix this. We have talked about this so many times I can't even count. He "fixes" things that day or the day after, but then it just goes back to the same thing. We tried to get counseling through military one source, but the therapist who was supposed to call us never did and my husband never followed up. I have no idea if we'll be able to get counseling in Italy. We need something or else I don't see this lasting. I'm trying to hold on, but I am so unhappy.
I love my husband and I want this to work out, but I'm just so sick of nothing changing with him.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to fix this, please let me know.
My guy has his moments like that too. I hope things get better for you soon.
ReplyDeleteI went through the same thing with my husband and it got to the point where I actually left him and we were seperated for several months. While we were together he would do the same thing your husband did and like you, I would try to talk to him about it and he'd make a brief effort then went back to his old ways. Finally I said enough was enough and I just left. It's time that he chases you honey, and not the other way around. Maybe you need to let it be known to him that unless things change you're leaving. If that doesn't work, seperate and DO NOT chase after him. It worked for me because my husband finally realized that if we were going to continue being married, it was up to him to make it work because I had done way more than my part. If he wants you enough, he'll make it work and if not, sweetie you deserve so much better!
ReplyDeleteI haven't ever been in your place, so you may want to disregard this but, I agree with Lalala. I think you need to be apart for a while. If he doesn't come back to you, he doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry you are going through all this, and I hope it gets better!
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