(649) He's Home!!

My husband is home from Afghanistan for good (at least until he gets deployed again but who knows when/if that will be). For the most part he sleeps... and sleeps... but I am really glad to have him back.

(648) Is it that time already?

Homecoming is in a couple days. I'm feeling so many different things.

• Disbelief - I can't believe the deployment is over. We got lucky and it ended up only be 11 months minus 2 weeks of R&R. Maybe that's why I can't believe it. 
• Grateful - Our first/second year of marriage survived a deployment. We were only living together 4 months before he deployed, so most of our marriage has been spent apart. I'm grateful he's on the first flights out. I'm grateful to have my husband back in a few days and to just be together. 
• Happy - doesn't really need an explanation
• Scared - since most of our marriage has been spent deployed, I wonder if we'll get along being together. I'm scared we each have changed. I'm scared things wont be good. 
• Nervous - seeing him for the first time in months, being intimate again. 

I just have these moments lately where I'm overwhelmed with emotions. I've been trying to trick my mind into thinking this is a normal week, because it pretty much is until the very end. That's actually helped a lot. I've played a lot of mind tricks with myself. My favorite being vividly imagine the next day's activities, then by the time I realize it, it's the next day. 

I can't believe it. 

My husband's coming home soon!!!!

I find myself cleaning the same things over and over. This past weekend I pretty much cleaned every little thing I could think of. Of course I still live here, so things get messy again. I don't know why. He's not going to give a crap about how clean/messy/dirty the house is/isn't. He wont care if there's a sign/banner. He wont care if there's yummy food in the house. He just wants to see me. I told him that I want things to be perfect for him and to fulfill his expectations, but he's made it clear, that all he cares about is seeing me. Doesn't change the fact that I want to make sure things are perfect in my mind and that he has yummy food to eat and pretty much anything he wants when he comes back (within our budget of course). Now I need to remember what foods he likes other than the stuff I sent in care packages. 

I kind of feel like this is a dream and I'm going to wake up soon and discover the deployment just begun. If this is a dream, it's a very boring one. 

Please please God let him come home safely and without delay. Please.

(647) Update to the "Bible in 90 days" post

I've been reading everyday and currently I'm in the book of 2 Chronicles. I'm 34.1% complete. After this I plan to follow another plan that YouVersion has. They have a bunch to choose from and I'm thinking of  picking something that spreads the reading out more than 90 days. Although the 90 day plan is good for getting it done, I really want a plan that'll give me more time to think about what I'm reading. They also have other plans for specific topics like marriage that only take a week or so. I really like the YouVersion website. It makes doing this plan a lot easier. I get to check off each chapter as I read it and I like that. It also has mobile apps for many different phones including Android, so I can access my plan on the go or read on the go.

I'm not sure of the impact it is having but my husband said to me the other day "I think you're going to church too much". Not as an insult or anything, but I guess my views on things are changing a little. My hope is to become a better person. I think sometimes I'm ashamed for people to know I'm a Christian not because of my beliefs but because I definitely do not represent what a Christian should act like. I may never feel that way. There's two outward things that really bug me: my ability to become angry very quickly and I still swear. I'm trying to focus on what I'm saying as I'm saying it but sometimes I just slip. I really want to eliminate this but I'm not really sure how. As for the anger, I try to convince myself to calm down but it just doesn't happen for me. I think I just need to vent somewhere that's not my husband. Even if it's something he did I think it would help if I vented on here or on paper before talking to him if possible.