(692) Tomorrow is the doctor appointment...

and I'm terrified... last night I cried my eyes out. I'm so scared that something is wrong and I'll never have children. It's just so unfair that so many people who don't even want kids can have them so easily and yet we are struggling.

(690) Hubby is home YAY

He's back from a 6 week TDY in Germany... so happy to have him home

Me right after he came home

Aww, look at exhausted he looks...
hours of driving will do that do ya

  

(688) Happy Father's Day

My husband, me, and my father on our wedding day

My father is a wonderful man. He became my only living parent when my mom passed away. He has always been there for all of us, including his step-children. When I was going through a rough patch, he would visit me every day, making an 1.5 hour drive each way to see me. When I needed someone to look after my cats while we PSC'ed, he did. I know I can always count on him. I LOVE YOU Dad!!

(687) Scared to make the call

Part 1: http://armyso.blogspot.it/2012/04/drs-appointment.html

I had the pelvic ultrasound done and got my medical records requested from my last doctors. My husband deposited his "sample". Now I have to make an appointment to get the results... and I've been delaying this for a couple weeks now. I think I am scared to find out that there's something wrong, that I'll never have a child of my own... I need to just call and make the appointment. I just hope that there's nothing wrong and that the dr just says we need to do it more...

*sigh*

Edit (6/18/2012): I went and scheduled the appointment today. I did it in person because of the whole phone anxiety thing. I was able to get an appointment for next week when my husband will be home and before I go back to the US, so that's good. *fingers crossed*

(686) When it rains, it pours...

Seriously why does major shit have to happen when the husband is deployed/tdy? WHYYYYYY!!!!!!

our water heater decides to screw up and it had a really strong horrible smell coming from it (burning smell), maintenance came and turned off the gas and power to it and is coming back tomorrow to actually fix it. Just kinda freaking out... and shaky and think I breathed in some of the smoke... why does shit have to happen when Mike's away...

I don't know where I would go if I had to leave. I have my cat here. Where the hell would we go? I don't know anyone here. Fucking anxiety...

It's hard when the maintenance guys barely speak English and I don't know much Italian other than greetings... I'm slowly learning, but the stuff I know how to say is "The girl eats", "The big car", etc... not very useful for things like this... I don't expect Italians to know English... it's just frustrating...

I'm still shaking... this was like 1-2 hours ago.

Oh and my phone ran out of minutes today.... lesson learned... recharge immediately... I wasn't in a huge hurry because I wasn't planning on going anywhere today or tomorrow, so I was just gunna do it tomorrow. I figured as long as I did it before the weekend, I'd be fine (going on a couple day trips). As soon as maintenance comes tomorrow, I am getting that done, even though I don't know why my balance is so low... gunna ask about that... haven't gone over my data, haven't called or texted anyone... so it really shouldn't be low... and the text messages vodafone sends are in Italian and even when I translate them in google, it still makes hardly any sense to me.

Also, water stopped working... dunno if that was as a result of the maintenance guy shutting off stuff or what... I have bottled water to drink, but I can't wash my hands.... YUCK!

And, we have a fruit fly problem... I've cleaned everything... took out all the trash... been really clean about dishes (rinsing them right away), still I'm killing like 5 a day by hand. I have a homemade trap that hasn't caught anything yet. It's so disgusting... and it sucks because I can't eat bananas anymore because they attract them too much.

I can't get the smoke smell out of my nose. I doubt I'll sleep tonight... I'm sooo paranoid.

(685) Phone Phobia

Image from an unrelated article

http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/od/copingwithsad/a/phonephobia.htm

I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in the past... not sure if I still have it, but I think part of it lingers.

• I delay making phone calls because it causes me a lot of anxiety.
• I would rather go somewhere to talk to someone in person, than speak to them on the phone.
• If I can, I have other people make the phone call.
• If it's an unknown number calling me, I wont answer it
• If it's someone I know calling me, it's 50/50 on what I'll do
• When it's a call using gmail or skype with only voice (like what I had to do today), for calling the US, it makes me even more nervous because I'm afraid the phone quality will make it difficult for me to communicate. Sometimes this holds true... 

Example:

I had to call the airlines to add my cat to my return reservation. I've done it before for Leo, now I have to do it for Toad (those are my cats). Doesn't sound like a big deal, does it? Especially considering that I've done it before and it's a simple process. 

1. Call the airline 

2. Tell them this 

3. Wait for them to book it 

4. Hang up

This process requires me to call 2 separate airlines because the flight is overseas and it's handled by two companies. I just did this and by the end of it, my heart was racing and my hands were all shaky. Why? NO IDEA. Everything went smoothly and the cat was booked for the return flight. It took me 26 days to make this call... 

Something that helps a tiny bit is preparing all the information I need ahead of time. For this call, I needed the names and phone numbers of the airlines I needed to call and the confirmation numbers for each airline. I also needed the weight of my cat, but I just estimated that. They only ask because there's a weight limit of like 15lbs or something (don't quote me on that number) and I know she's well below that. 

I usually have no problem calling/talking to close family (dad, sisters) and definitely not my husband, but anyone else...

A picture of Toad (the cat I'm going to get) and my husband to help calm me down...