(667) Looks like we are actually PCSing...

So much has happened. We are now using one bedroom. Our household goods and unaccompanied baggage has been picked up. On Jan 3, we clear housing and the next day we drive down to New Jersey to drop the car off. We will have the whole weekend to visit NYC (I've lived in NY my whole life and have never been). On the 9th we fly out and on the 10th, Michael reports to his new unit.

It still doesn't feel like we're moving to Italy. It feels like something is going on because most of our stuff is gone and we're sleeping on mats on the floor living out of suitcases. It just hasn't hit me that we're going to be living in Italy for 3 years. Right now we have less than 2 weeks living in the US (11 days). It's so surreal.

The one big thing that could change all this is his clearance being denied. If that happens, 1 of 2 things happens... we stay here and we get all our stuff back and I'm an irritated person or his unit gives him a temporary clearance, just for that assignment.

I just hope everything works out and in 2 weeks I am in Italy.

(666) New Years Resolutions

  1. Run a 10K. This doesn't necessarily need to be an actual race, just being able to run that is good with me. I completed the Couch to 5k program a few weeks back. This year (once we get settled at our new duty station), I am going to start the Bridge to 10K program.
  2. Read the bible. Last year I tried to do the Bible in 90 days program and didn't finish it, mostly because my husband came home from Afghanistan. I think I will try something a little less drastic that gives me more time. I think I am going to do the 1 year bible reading plan.
  3. Lose the 15lbs I have put on this past year and get back to my normal weight. I don't know how realistic this will be since we are moving to Italy.


(663) Couch to 5k

Today, my husband and I are starting this program. It seems manageable. It is 3x a week for 9 weeks. Here's the link to the program and here's the link to the Android app. Hopefully I can stick with this... I need to do something since I don't go to zumba anymore. It seems like it'll be good because you don't start off running the whole time and that's one of the parts that I struggle with. I get discouraged when I can't run that far and then I just give up.

Has anyone done this program before? Did it work for you? Any tips?


(661) Stupid noises

I know I'm in the minority here... that seems to be the case regarding military spouse life. Whatever. Our post just started (or made louder) the noises it plays. It goes off around 7am and 10pm and it's so annoying. I'm not one for tradition and all that. I just think it's annoying. My life is inconvenienced enough by the army that adding another thing like this make me want to leave. I wasn't the only one complaining and a response on the housing page was to move off post... honestly not really a viable option for us... seeing as how we are most likely PCSing in a few months. More and more I wish we hadn't decided for Mike to reenlist.


(660) The most awkward exam ever

In order to PCS, I have to get medically screened to make sure there is nothing wrong with me that they can't handle at the new duty station. Part of that requires my last yearly girly exam. Well I thought I had one done last year but turns out it didn't count (it was because of irregular periods, so they didn't do a full exam I guess). So I had to get it done today. I HATE these exams. No matter how hard they try, the whole experience is so freakin awkward. The doctor was really helpful though.  She put me on prenatal vitamins because I'm trying to get pregnant. She asked if I wanted a prescription and I said yes, that way I didn't have to pay for them lol.

That's another thing done. Still have to wait about 10 days to get the lab results back and then I can make the appointment with EFMP person. We're still waiting to hear back from whoever regarding his clearance and we can't get orders til he gets that and we pretty much can't do much else until we get orders.... hurry up and wait...


(658) Fuck you army and stupid tropical storm

I am not cut out to be an army wife. I can't do this. Not again... I'm so frustrated with the damn army. As soon as he is done with his contract, we are done. I can't take the anxiety. I never expected them to pull this kind of crap. He's only been home 7 months and now they are planning to go to NYC for who knows how long. He's been at work all day (since 7) and things keep changing and it's driving me crazy. They haven't done a damn thing to keep any spouses informed and it's pissing me off. I'm feeling so physical sick from all the anxiety and when I'm anxious I can't eat because my stomach hurts like hell. Oh and saying "at least he's not XXXXXX" doesn't fickin help me at all. He was JUST there. For a year. I wasn't anticipating him going on a mission for at least a year. I expected training exercises and crap like that, but not this. I was not prepared for something like this even happening. I just want my husband home for at least a year like I was told. I'm not ready in anyway to be separated from him for any length of time. Shit, even when he has CQ, I can't sleep at night. I can deal with that, but I can't deal with him going into an unknown situation. Not yet. I'm not ready to let him go. Once it hits a year since it's been home, then I can expect him to leave at any point... but not before that. Being an army wife is not good when you have anxiety problems and eating problems.

I think tomorrow will be better, even if he has to go because at least I'll have work and wont be sitting around all day. Doesn't help that he took the car this morning so I haven't been able to go anywhere and I don't have enough energy to walk the 3 miles to his work and get it.


(657) More PCS progress

Last Thursday we had the levy briefing. It was basically a person going through a folder of papers with us (mostly him). There's only a couple things we can do before we get orders and that wont happen until he gets his clearance and probably something else, but I'm not sure. I have to get my EFMP screening to make sure I don't have any issues that would prevent me from going (which I don't think that I do...). I thought that I had a Pap done last year because I saw my gyn, but I called and turns out it was for something else (nothing serious), so I had to schedule an appointment... fun... NOT. I can't schedule the screening process until this is done.

The only other thing I can do right now is get no fee passport, which basically allows me to live there. Well, I don't think that they actually give it to you until you have orders, but I can get it started so they can process it. I'm still waiting to get my regular passport and birth certificate back in the mail before I can go do that.

I'm not sure what I need to do with my cats....

Oh and we found out that we will be there for 36 months. I think it will be interesting to be in another country. I've only ever been to Canada and I don't really count that. I'm trying to not get too excited because it could all fall through (it could do that up until he signs in to his new unit).

On an unrelated note, Michael and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary last Tuesday. It was nice to be able to spend it together, instead of many miles apart...


(656) Italy

A couple weeks ago, my hubby got a slot for Italy. As of now, we are going to PCSing there next year. I'm soooo excited, but not too excited, because of course that could change. I've never been to another country (besides Canada, which doesn't really count when you're from NY). There are so many things we're going to have to do but can't start until we get his orders.

Last week he told me to get my passport so I did. I got the pictures done at Walmart and looking back, I realize I could've just done them myself instead of paying the $8 for them to take a digital picture and print it on photo paper. Lesson learned I guess. Then I went to the post office to drop off the application and their debit/credit card machines were down, so I had to drive to the bank and get out $140 and then wait in line again. I also hate the fact that they need my original birth certificate, so now I'm without one. Hopefully I don't need it for any other paper work any time soon.

I have also been learning Italian using Rosetta Stone. I've been using the skillport classes to take it. I might take a class through the local community college as well.


(655) Pissed off

I am so sick of the army messing with my life. After a year of deployment, I just want it to stop. Last week, I had planned to visit my family 4 hours away because my sister and nephew were moving out of state. Thursday (the day before we were supposed to leave), he gets a text message from his boss saying  he has CQ (24hr duty) on Saturday. I got so pissed off. My husband is home, he's supposed to be able to do things with me instead of the army taking more of his time. He was able to trade his CQ for another person's who had it on Tuesday. We even paid this person $50 to trade since Mike's CQ was scheduled for the weekend.

Then today he sends me a  text message at work saying that he has it tomorrow. WTF. I hate things brought on me at the last minute. I'm sick of his unit's incompetence when it comes to simple things.

I can't take this anymore. I was not made to be in this life. I'm just not happy here. Ever since I moved here, I feel like I've lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. Every day seems like the last and I'm getting frustrated.


(654) We are debt free!!!

We have paid off all of our student loans, car loan, and credit cards. Such a great feeling not to be buried under that much debt.

We started by paying off all of the higher interest debt first - credit cards, car loan, then each of the student loans. Every paycheck of his (2x month) we put $1000 into our extra loan payments account and $200 into our regular savings account. We also track everything in Quicken... we enter our receipts and itemize them so we can see exactly what we are spending, we have our bills listed so we can see when things are due.

Graph of our Net worth (March 2008 - May 2011) Green = assets; purple = liabilities; red line graph = net worth

Our next step is to save up for furniture and other things that we want/need. We're going to try not to buy things on credit. We do use our credit cards for day to day purchases, but we pay them off as soon as they appear on our account.

We are also going to start putting money in our retirement accounts.

This is such a great feeling.


(652) Easter Weekend

Friday started off a little bad. I woke up to use the bathroom and when I came back Toad was peeing on my comforter. It was 630am so we washed the comforter and bed sheets.


Mike came with me to work and hung out in town so we could just leave for there. When I got in the car, the low pressure indicator came on, so we had to figure out where to get some air. Anyway, we got that no problem and hit the road. First stop, Olive Garden near Rochester. Food was yummy as usual. :)

We then headed to my friend Heather's house, which is about 5 mins away from Olive Garden (lucky her!). We spent time with her and her son, Ben. He is such a cutie. He's about 6 months old now. He wouldn't let Mike hold him, but he kept staring at him.
Baby Ben

After that, we headed to the Buffalo area and spent time with my sister before heading to my dad's.

Saturday morning, we went to Dennys and had breakfast with Sarah, Heather, and Bridget, friends I have had since elementary/middle school. I was pretty sick so I could barely speak and my nose kept running, so it wasn't as fun as it could've been, but it was nice to see them again.

After that we stopped at Hall's Apple Farm. They are a local place and they have the BEST chocolate. I bought some for my nieces and nephews and myself of course. Mike got candy corn (wtf).

We went back to my sister, Chrissy's house and hung out until the girls and boys separated for lunch. Chrissy and I went to TGIFridays with my favorite Aunt Dawn and the boys (husband Mike, nephew Mike, and Al-Chrissy's husband) went to a buffet.

I took the Mike's to my other sister's house about 45mins away. We had pizza and played outside with my niece and nephew. We also gave her my old computer because she doesn't have one.
Nephew Willy and Michael
Nephew Michael and husband Mike

Later that night I took the kids to my dad's so they could see my brother. He got all pissy because they were only there for a few minutes before Chrissy picked them up.

The next morning we went to church and Mike went with me! It was nice because my sister, brother-in-law,   niece, and two nephews, and husband were all there. We said our goodbyes and went to my dad's house.

At my dad's we were waiting for dinner and my brother gets on our butts about not having a "real" wedding and how we should plan a "real" wedding and reception. I was like, I'm not spending our money and time on a "real" wedding and reception just for everyone else. I liked the way we had our wedding, it was just my dad and Heather and her husband. It was low stress and drama free. Anyway, he would just not let it go and it started to piss me off.

Soon we ate "dinner", which was more like lunch, but it was good. Ham and scalloped potatoes and a bunch of veggies. After that we hit the road back to the Rochester area and had some pizza with my friend from college, Jesse. Finally we headed back home.

All in all, it was a good trip, minus me being sick for all of it. We limited the amount of time we spent with my brother. He can be a lot to handle. Lots of driving too. It was really nice to see my family and friends who I don't get to see that often, but luckily we are in driving distance of them, so it isn't too bad.

How was your easter weekend?


(651) Heartbreaking

This has been floating around the military spouse blogs that I read.

I don't know her and I didn't read her blog, but a few people's blogs I do read had linked to it. It breaks my heart. I know what it's like to feel that low that you consider/attempt suicide. I've been there, many years ago. I don't know both sides, but it seems that this kind of thing is too common in the Army/military... the wife giving it all to her husband only for him to cheat on her and leave her. I've read it before and it is completely heart breaking. It just makes me sick, the things these husbands do. I hope that she gets the help she needs to rebuild her life and feel better again.


(650) Yay! I won!

I won this from Annie's giveaway at Live it. Love it (or not). Included is everything pictured below, except for the kitty, she was just interested in it. Thank you Annie!


(649) He's Home!!

My husband is home from Afghanistan for good (at least until he gets deployed again but who knows when/if that will be). For the most part he sleeps... and sleeps... but I am really glad to have him back.

(648) Is it that time already?

Homecoming is in a couple days. I'm feeling so many different things.

  • Disbelief - I can't believe the deployment is over. We got lucky and it ended up only be 11 months minus 2 weeks of R&R. Maybe that's why I can't believe it. 
  • Grateful - Our first/second year of marriage survived a deployment. We were only living together 4 months before he deployed, so most of our marriage has been spent apart. I'm grateful he's on the first flights out. I'm grateful to have my husband back in a few days and to just be together. 
  • Happy - doesn't really need an explanation
  • Scared - since most of our marriage has been spent deployed, I wonder if we'll get along being together. I'm scared we each have changed. I'm scared things wont be good. 
  • Nervous - seeing him for the first time in months, being intimate again. 
I just have these moments lately where I'm overwhelmed with emotions. I've been trying to trick my mind into thinking this is a normal week, because it pretty much is until the very end. That's actually helped a lot. I've played a lot of mind tricks with myself. My favorite being vividly imagine the next day's activities, then by the time I realize it, it's the next day. 

I can't believe it. 

My husband's coming home soon!!!!

I find myself cleaning the same things over and over. This past weekend I pretty much cleaned every little thing I could think of. Of course I still live here, so things get messy again. I don't know why. He's not going to give a crap about how clean/messy/dirty the house is/isn't. He wont care if there's a sign/banner. He wont care if there's yummy food in the house. He just wants to see me. I told him that I want things to be perfect for him and to fulfill his expectations, but he's made it clear, that all he cares about is seeing me. Doesn't change the fact that I want to make sure things are perfect in my mind and that he has yummy food to eat and pretty much anything he wants when he comes back (within our budget of course). Now I need to remember what foods he likes other than the stuff I sent in care packages. 

I kind of feel like this is a dream and I'm going to wake up soon and discover the deployment just begun. If this is a dream, it's a very boring one. 

Please please God let him come home safely and without delay. Please.


(647) Update to the "Bible in 90 days" post

I've been reading everyday and currently I'm in the book of 2 Chronicles. I'm 34.1% complete. After this I plan to follow another plan that YouVersion has. They have a bunch to choose from and I'm thinking of  picking something that spreads the reading out more than 90 days. Although the 90 day plan is good for getting it done, I really want a plan that'll give me more time to think about what I'm reading. They also have other plans for specific topics like marriage that only take a week or so. I really like the YouVersion website. It makes doing this plan a lot easier. I get to check off each chapter as I read it and I like that. It also has mobile apps for many different phones including Android, so I can access my plan on the go or read on the go.

I'm not sure of the impact it is having but my husband said to me the other day "I think you're going to church too much". Not as an insult or anything, but I guess my views on things are changing a little. My hope is to become a better person. I think sometimes I'm ashamed for people to know I'm a Christian not because of my beliefs but because I definitely do not represent what a Christian should act like. I may never feel that way. There's two outward things that really bug me: my ability to become angry very quickly and I still swear. I'm trying to focus on what I'm saying as I'm saying it but sometimes I just slip. I really want to eliminate this but I'm not really sure how. As for the anger, I try to convince myself to calm down but it just doesn't happen for me. I think I just need to vent somewhere that's not my husband. Even if it's something he did I think it would help if I vented on here or on paper before talking to him if possible.


(646) Grocery shopping or lack there of

I've been doing this thing where I'm not going grocery shopping until I've eaten all the meal type food in my house. (Freeze pops, pushups, condiments, snacks, etc don't count). I can't even remember how long it's been since I bought groceries. Pretty much I have PB&J sandwiches, chicken nuggets, and soup left. I'm going to try and make it all last until the end of the month. I'm trying to be less wasteful when it comes to food and sometimes I ended up buying stuff that I never ate. Sometimes I get addicted to a certain food and buy a lot of it and then I get sick of it and it just sits there. Since it's just me at home right now this plan is doable, but it definitely wouldn't be if I had kids or the hubby was home. I am also learning to want what I have instead of having what I want. I am really craving some spaghetti though. Oh and this isn't because I have a lack of funds to buy groceries I just wanted to eat the stuff I have before I buy new stuff. Another plus is that I don't have to deal with the grocery store which I really hate. :)


(645) Are you ready for the deployment to be over?

That question was directly asked to me and I didn't know the answer. She told me that I was supposed to say yes.

The truth is, I'm not ready. I have no idea how to get ready. Beyond the obvious cleaning and organizing, how can I get ready for this. I want him home yes. I'm also very nervous about it.

For the first time we will spend a great deal of time living together. Our record is 4 months. We've been married almost 18 months and so far he's been deployed 10-11 of those months. Most of our marriage has been spent deployed. We were lucky and got to talk every day on the phone for an hour or more. I'm scared our communication will get worse and we wont actually talk about anything.

Once the deployment is over what will I countdown to? Well I guess now that we are PCSing I can look forward to that.

I'm scared we'll get in a rut in our relationship. I'm scared that once the excitement wears off I'll be sad. I'm scared I'll go crazy during February waiting to figure out when exactly he's coming home. I'm scared to get too excited because there's still about a month left.

What if we both have changed so much that we're not compatible anymore? I'm scared of the transition between not seeing him and seeing him all the time. I'm scared we'll get sick of each other. I'm scared I wont be able to get everything done that I want done before he gets here.

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut this month. I have so much I want to get done but I seem to lack the motivation to do any of it.


(644) I secretly like when...

... my husband has to wake up early at work because then he asks me to call him and wake him up. Then I get to talk to him for a second time that day, even if it's just for a minute, I still love hearing him. :) Guess it's not a secret anymore lol :)


(643) Bible in 90 days

I am going to attempt to do the "Bible in 90 days". I have been a Christian since I was a kid and I haven't read more than a couple books of the bible. I have always wanted to but it seemed very intimidating. This plan breaks it up so it doesn't seem as difficult to do. I just have to stick with doing it every day.