I miss my husband and even though he's not deployed I am sad that he's not here. This feels like torture... I don't want to do another deployment.. should be next summer? Who knows... it keeps getting changed. I don't want to worry that he's ok anymore. I want a normal life where I don't have to worry about him leaving every couple months. Reenlistment was good for our finances... not so good for anything else.
I think one of the worst parts is that he's missing my birthday and im alone here... I don't have any friends...
Im too scared, too depressed to do anything other than workout. Im scared to leave base on my own. Im just not happy. Sometimes it feels like an endless cycle. It has gotten so bad I think about cutting again. I think about taking a bunch of sleeping pills and just sleeping away, but it doesn't really work like that... and no one would be here to take care of Leo.
I feel like crap... the sad thing is if I did anything no one would even know for weeks straight...
4 more weeks to go...
:(
I'm so sorry, I know it's hard, but if nothing else, I will be in Europe in 13days! Come visit me! Email me! Nothing is worse than feeling all alone in a strange place not knowing anyone. Finding your place in a military lifestyle is a constant battle and one that I personally am still struggling with. I hope you feel better soon, email if you ever want an ear to vent to or a virtual shoulder to cry on!
ReplyDeleteI used to cut. I hope you don't get to that point again. I know that with our guys in the Army we can't control that part of our lives and what it does to our relationships. Its to hard to make new friends when you move. Know that I understand. I hope things start to get better for you soon.
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