Seriously sick of seeing questions and posts about husbands cheating while deployed. It creates unnecessary paranoia in my head. My husband has given me no indication that he's cheating EVER. These thoughts just creep into my head because of the stuff I read. Not to say that people shouldn't post what is on their mind. I hate how people say "everyone's cheating during the deployment".
If he ever cheated on me I would honestly feel like I deserved it. I cheated on him when we were dating (he knows about it) and honestly I don't even know why he even wants to be with me. So if he ever did it I would just end up blaming myself, feeling like I deserved it, and I would hate myself. I don't know if I could continue to be with him if he did. I really hope I never have to find out. I'm just so glad he was able to forgive me and move past it. I can't even forgive myself. He has never brought it up or used it against me.
Why is it so hard to forgive yourself? I never ever ever want to intentionally cause him pain again. Not that I did it to cause pain, honestly I was very selfish at the time. I just didn't care if what I was doing was hurting anyone else. I am so sorry. I really feel like I don't deserve him. He says how he doesn't deserve me and I always tell him that he deserves better. I feel like I fail in so many ways.
I completely disagree with the statement "once a cheater always a cheater". I have been faithful this entire marriage and to my knowledge so has he. People are capable of changing if that's what they want to do. When I got married, I made a promise, to my husband, and to God, to remain faithful. It's a huge deal to me. Not something that I take lightly at all. Ever since I got married, I feel more devoted to him. For me it's a huge difference than dating someone.
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