I'll start this with something positive.... today I got a letter in the mail from Mike. It was so cute. He wrote it after talking to me that day and right before he went to bed. He wrote I love you a bunch of times. I really love that boy. :)
And we are 60% done with this deployment. Still an estimate since it's way too early to know the return day lol.
And now for the part that's not so positive, but I needed to get out (don't worry, it's not that bad) ...
Stay busy stay busy. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed and burned out and the busyness hasn't even took off.
Um yeah why did I volunteer myself to 1. learn how to make an android app and 2. teach this to my coworkers in 2 weeks ... why because I'm crazy ... out of all the times I open my mouth why did it have to be to volunteer to do extra work. Now, I've been wanting to learn how to program for my phone (Motorola Droid running Android) and I bought two books to learn how but I haven't cracked them open. And I bought these books while Mike was still on R&R way over a month ago. So maybe this is the kick in the butt I need.
Also I am volunteering for Awana. It is a Christian club at church (it's a Nationwide, possibly worldwide thing) that focuses on youth (2 year olds to 6 graders). I did it as a little kid and I really liked going. The role I got chosen for was T&T (Truth and Training) Leader. This basically means I'll be in charge of about 5 kids. I lead them to big group time, game time, and handbook time. Handbook time is where the pressure is at for me. Not only will I have to listen to them recite scripture, I'll have to lead a discussion about what it means.
I don't think God would have put me in this situation if he wasn't going to be there and work through me, but I am still scared. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm good enough to be leading someone. I fall away a lot and it's embarrassing. I am not a model Christian. I'm not disciplined to read the bible every day or pray a lot. I'm worried I'll do or say something that will ruin this for them. This is way out of my comfort zone, but I feel called to do it and only through God will I be able to.
I also wanted to volunteer for the SPCA, but I'm going to put that on hold until the Android thing is done at work and after I've gotten a chance to get used to AWANA. I don't like to introduce too many new things into my routine because that stresses me out.
And after writing about all of this, I feel so much better.
Thanks for the Quicken advice! Never used it, but I'm such a geek, I'll probably fall in love with it once I do, haha.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel a tremendous pressure to be a good Catholic when I was younger, but my grandmother said to me one day, "No matter what you do, God will be there for you." It really took some weight off of me. Hope you find courage and conviction to lead the class- I'm sure you'll do fine! :)